When we first moved in, as previously stated, there was virtually no kitchen. This was a situation in need of remedy. Unfortunately, we're poor, so bringing in Candice Olsen was not an option. Fortunately, Kenny can bust a chop saw in the shop, and I can mud, sand, and epoxy concrete like a crazy mofo.

Thinking of remodeling your kitchen? Well do we have the thing for you! Follow these simple step-by-step instructions and you too can create a fierce culinary explosion of awesomeness that will melt your friends faces off from the sheer heat of its design spectacularity!!!!! (or at least you can tell everyone that it does and get a lot of cool points)

Step 1: Take a good look at what you've got and decide if it's in your best interest to start from scratch. We decided it was for us because of a couple of reasons...

Exhibit A: The existing space was infested with evil, miniature yetis. Cute and ferocious as they may be, these little guys just aren't very sanitary. They shed.

Also, you may notice that the cabinets were installed upside down. That's right...upside down.

And of course we've discussed the sink in the middle of the floor thing.



Exhibit B: The evil gnome door had us a bit concerned. Although we never actually saw any gnomes emerge from this door, we really didn't want to chance it. So we sealed it up.








Step 2: Okay, so you've decided to destroy your existing kitchen. Congratulations! So did we. The next step is to demolish as many exterior walls as possible. We did this at first because we thought it would be fun. It ended up being a good thing because we got to switch our exterior door to the other side of the wall for better traffic flow, and we got to insulate the wall (something you old house dwellers all covet). We also discovered that the studs in the existing wall were literally hanging from the roof. There was no sill plate. The wall was literally swinging in the breeze. Again, a special thanks goes out to the previous contractors' work. Bravissimi.



Note to homeowner: If you live in a "transitional" neighborhood, for security sakes, you might wanna make sure that this part of the demo/rebuild is completed within 24 to 48 hours. Securing the house with one wall missing has its obstacles. If you can't do this, try to collect as many random dogs as possible and line them up in front of the open space to deter any opportunistic punk who wants a taste of that culinary explosion of awesomeness we discussed (see above).

This sad pair of pups, who look like they came straight out of a Sarah McLachlan SPCA ad, are Gus the boxer and Tailspin the doberman. Don't they just reek of ferocity?

After we sealed the wall back up, things warmed up a lot. Then we were ready to start pouring our concrete counter tops. How did we accomplish such a feat you ask? Perhaps you should wait on the edge of your seat for the next awesome installment of kickass kitchen reno, also known as Step 3 (insert hard core fade out music).